We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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