why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
