He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
