If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
