just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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