I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize