Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
