As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
