yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
