Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize