I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
