wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
