It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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