i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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