What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
