Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
