me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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