is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
