I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
