So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
