cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
