Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Alive.
So much puke
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
