Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
