Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
