I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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