One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
