The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
