Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
