I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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