Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
