people are starting to question the shark bite story
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
