you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
