No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
