I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize