That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
