talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
