she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
