Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
