So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
