he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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