The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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