Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
