Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
