He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
