the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
