We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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