At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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