Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
