I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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