you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
