also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
