insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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