Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The Olympian is in my bed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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