and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
