I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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