His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
