Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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