arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
