if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
