see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
