Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
