I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
