I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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