Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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